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Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet –
Part 4: CyberSex…And ADULTERY!

NOTE:This article frankly deals with adult material.

Before you read this article you should read:

Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet – Part 2: Cyber-Sex…An Introduction
Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet – Part 3: Cyber-Sex…And Spouses
Marriage, Sex, & The Pistachio Principle!


Adultery is a BIG DEAL!  While our Society may seem to be getting blasé about it, God’s standards haven’t “mellowed with time”.  As a matter of fact, the injunction against adultery in the Ten Commandments comes between the injunctions against murder and theft!

With all this neat, new technology flying around I’ve noticed people (and to an extent, Society) have been redefining adultery.  For instance, the following may not be adultery (in many minds, today):

  • Having phone sex
  • Having physical intimacy short of having sexual intercourse (making out, oral sex, manual sex, etc.)
  • Having cybersex (communicating erotically by text and or audio/video)
  • Sex with someone who is not your spouse, but with your spouse’s approval (open marriage, group sex, etc.)

The fact is this: Adultery is the act of a married person having any kind of sexual activity with someone not their spouse.

And that’s not ALL!

According to Jesus, Himself, adultery isn’t just what you do, it’s what you THINK about doing!  Let’s look at portion of the Sermon on the Mount that is recorded in Matthew 5:27-28:

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (NIV)

That is pretty clear.  It is also a very difficult standard, but Jesus didn’t call us to an easy walk.

Many people, today, though feel that online sex, or cybersex, is not “cheating”.  I mean, you aren’t TOUCHING anyone, and you can’t get an STD, and you may not even know the person, so what is the problem?

The problem is that God has created only one safe place for sexual activity: Marriage.  This is God’s Safe Zone for sex.  We are called to be faithful to our spouse, both physically and emotionally.  Our spouses are to be the only lovers we desire and are intimate with.

Any activity that generates sexual desire or sexual pleasure that involves someone other than your spouse is sin.  From the passage, above, just looking at porn is adulterous! (That’s another post!)  So, interacting with someone other than your spouse in a sexual manner is sin, period (that includes flirting, too).  It doesn’t matter if it is physical or virtual, if it is teasing or consummating, the interaction with another in a sexual manner, generating desire and possibly sexual satisfaction, falls outside of God’s boundaries.

What about married couples?  Well, as I discussed in the last post, the question of whether cybersex between husband and wife is sinful is based upon several factors.  You might want to read:

Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet – Part 3: Cyber-Sex…And Spouses

So, if you “think that it’s alright” to have cybersex with someone other than your spouse, then ask yourself these questions:

  • What would my spouse, or children, think?
  • Could I tell my pastor or small group leader about my online relationship(s)?
  • Why am I hiding this?
  • Do I feel trapped, and need freedom?

If you don’t like the answers you get there is but one thing to do:


Jesus is waiting for you, already fully aware of your heart and your actions.  He is waiting for you to turn from your sin, and confess it.  Why? So He may begin to heal and deliver you!  Remember, He is faithful and will forgive you when you turn to him in sincerity. If you aren’t sure, just read 1 John 1:9:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (NIV)

What do you think?  What have you experienced?
Leave us a comment!

Next:  Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet – Part 5: Hooking Up!
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