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Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet –
Part 2: Cyber-Sex…An Introduction

NOTE: This article frankly deals with adult material.

In the beginning was the PC.

Then came the modem.

The CHAT ROOM soon followed…

…and cybersex was born…and it flourished!!!

Cybersex, for those who are unaware, is the use of computers and other technologies to engage in sexual play or sexual acts with another person or persons.  It can be engaged in via a number of media:

  • Text
  • Video
  • Virtual worlds and “avatars” (NOT giant blue people!)
  • Remote controlled devices

As with most technological developments the Church has been behind the curve in discussing “tech sex”.  What is OK for married couples to engage in? What about singles/youth (yes, YOUTH!)? What are the dangers/issues?  The answers may not be as cut and dried as you think, and the dangers may not be well known.  Plus what is SINFUL, and what is NOT?

Let’s start by looking at what cybersex is in the 2010’s.

Historically, cybersex was largely text-based.  Participants would meet online, either in chat rooms or via instant messaging programs, and would then transition to erotic chat.  It may consist of interactive chat where participants text back and forth, or it might feature each participant typing an erotic story/passage for the other to enjoy, after which a reciprocal story/passage is sent.  This may, or may not, have been accompanied by self-stimulation.  Often, those interested in developing their writing skills would use cybersex to develop their erotic story-telling expertise.

How significant is text-based cybersex? It is widely agreed that AOL’s development and refinement of public and private chat rooms, as well as direct instant messaging, is what enabled it to survive the early days of online service and transition to the Internet.  Even after the World Wide Web took over, millions of AOL users remained with their service so they would not lose the chat capabilities that were so easily and simply used.  Other services such as Prodigy, CompuServe, and the MSN Network have all passed into History. AOL beat them all.

In the 21st Century we have seen a growing use of video, via web cams and phone-cams, to engage in sexual play.  This  not only involves interactive sessions between couples, but includes “performance cybersex.”  This is where an individual, couple, or group performs for viewers who are often paying customers.  This is, in most states, perfectly legal.

Another, emerging form of cybersex involves the use of “avatars”.  No, I’m not talking about giant blue folk, but the use of graphic characters that are anatomically correct and “fully functional” (so-to-speak).  These encounters take place in virtual worlds where a person can be whomever, and whatever, they desire. They interact with others who may, or may not, be what or whom they appear.  Since the characters/avatars are not “real” then all forms of sexual behavior are accepted, including extreme acts a person might not normally consider in “realspace”, where abuse or injury may occur.

The final method of cybersex is not new, but it hasn’t caught on like it’s promoters have advertised.  It is “tele-sex”, where “unique peripherals” are attached to the computer and are controlled by the person on the other end of the Internet connection to directly stimulate a response on their “partner”. (That’s about all I’ll say to describe these devices.)  This type of cybersex is a further development of video cybersex and has also created a niche market for online sex workers.

Before we talk about how cybersex may, or may not, be engaged in by married people I would like to discuss a few cautionary aspects of cybersex in general:

  • There is the danger of a person’s/couple’s use of cybersex becoming a fetish, or a REQUIRED part of their love life, making real love-making unattractive or unworkable.
  • Privacy is an issue, especially if one participant is recording the session without the other’s knowledge.  This has occurred with spouses as well as “others”, which we will talk about in the next post.
  • Cybersex is often considered “easier” to deal with and can become an unhealthy substitute for real intimacy.
  • Unless you are cybering with a person you already know in realspace (i.e. your spouse, etc.) then you do not know who they really are,and what their agenda is, and how trustworthy they are.
  • For those who are seeking online encounters outside of marriage, the use of adult hookup sites often compromises information/images/videos that are best left off the Internet. (More in a later post.)

This is just an introductory description of what is really going on out there in cyberspace.

The next two posts will talk about cybersex and spouses while the one following those will address the issues of youth engaging in this behavior, often with dangerous risks!

Before you read the next post in this series you might want to read:


Well, that’s Part I on Sex, SPOUSES, and the Internet.  You can read Part III right HERE!

Check out these other popular posts:


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