Even with the best filters, etc., it is possible that, somehow or somewhere, your child will accidentally hit a porn site.
Sad, but true.
So, WHAT DO YOU DO???
Screaming, panicking, and ranting are not the paths to take. You don’t want to say/scream things like:
- “What they (the people in the movie) are doing is WRONG!“
- “That is NASTY!“
- “Don’t you EVER watch that kind of stuff, ever!”
- “That is so SINFUL!“
Fortunately there is a good, systematic approach you can take that fosters an understanding of God’s boundaries and the development of a healthy attitude about God’s design for sex.
When something like this happens on the Internet, or even on the TV, we have a few objectives to consider as we deal with the child and the situation:
- Communicate Biblically sound information.
- Frame the discussion relative to the child’s age.
- Reinforce parent-child trust.
- Set the stage for the future!
Ok, so what do I mean in #1?
First, do NOT communicate in any way that “sex is bad” or “sex is nasty”. Instead, talk about how God created sex to be a wonderful thing for men and women who are MARRIED…to each other, and that it must be private within the marriage! Emphasize that what was bad about what the child saw on the PC/TV was that the people were going outside the boundaries God had set, either by what they were doing (having sex with someone other than their spouse), or (if they were indeed married to each other) by sharing it through video or images. While we don’t want to communicate “sex is BAD” to the child, it is very appropriate to communicate “sex outside of marriage is not SAFE”! In fact, nurturing the idea that marriage is “God’s Safe Zone” for sex is a good idea! (See my article: Marriage: God’s Safe Zone.)
Next, we have to frame things. The child may have seen something that showed the adults were having a lot of fun (not unlikely). They may be curious about the specifics of what was seen, and “what those people were doing!?” So, we need to frame this so that they understand they are too young to know everything about sex. This is where cars and driving come in.
All kids understand about cars. They also understand they are too young to drive them (at least until 13-14, then they may go a little brain dead). Let’s use this by stating that, while they are too young to drive NOW, Mommy and/or Daddy will begin teaching them when “they are ready” and when “the time is right”. Sex is like that, too: “When you are old enough, when you are ready and need to know, we will tell you. In the meantime, you can come to us with any problem or question, anytime!”
Now is a good time to affirm that you are not angry, and that you know the child did not intentionally find this material. Tell them that, especially since you had this talk and helped them understand some of the dangers, you trust them to do the right thing. They should come to you if it happens again, and you will NOT be upset!
Finally, reinforce the driving analogy and your availability to answer questions! And… SMILE!!!
After you talk with the child and they go about the business of having a happy childhood, it is time for you to do a few things on your own:
- Determine how this happened.
- Take sensible steps to prevent it from happening again (put a filter on your router instead of “going Amish”, for instance. See this article for more info HERE.)
- Talk with your spouse and ensure that both of you are on the same page with what happened and how it was handled. This is important in case this is a repeat occurrence and your spouse knew about the earlier problem(s).
Hopefully this will not be a big deal for you, but now you are warned, and equipped, to deal with this situation!
You may want to also read the following related blog articles:
- Filtering Your Home Network via OpenDNS: What Parents Need To Know Part I – What is OpenDNS?
- “My 4 Year-Old Rented A Porn Movie!!!”
- HELP! Mom and Dad Are Porn Stars! – PART I
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